even my farts smell like vagina
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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