I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
