Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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