I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
