I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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