If i come over, it means nothing
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
