what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i dont even know how to be here
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
