I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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