I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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