You're my little dorito
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
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