we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
