What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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