Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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