Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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