I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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