First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
