i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
