are you so shy because you have an std?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
