I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
