you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
