we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Someone shit on the floor
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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