I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
