Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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