forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
