I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
