Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
