so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
