How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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