dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
