"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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