Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
