I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
