I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Dicks are not precious.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
