I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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