why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
its liver damage thursday
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
