She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
