I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize