I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Girls should come with a carfax report
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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