fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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