I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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