and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
