he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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