you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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