His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
