Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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