I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
