This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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