i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
