Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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