can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
