when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I lost the right to judge tonight
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
