did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
