I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
